CHILDREN OF BODOM + One Man Army.
THE ASTORIA, LONDON.
THURSDAY 26th JANUARY, 2006.

Finally lurching into the foyer of the Llondon Astoria after more than an hour queueing in the rain, half-pissed and desperate for a visit to the men's room - not to mention panicking I won't get in at all because I accidentally tore off the ticket stub - this is one gig I am determined to see and enjoy to the fullest. Having relieved myself and re-stocked my beer supply, I race up to the balcony in near-hysterical anticipation for the infernal payload that is about to be unleashed upon our eardrums. Although the place is still only 3/4 full at the moment there is an air of nervous anxiety that could be sliced with a razor.

One Man Army do not fail to impress, proving themselves with chainsaw riffs and a sound that's reminiscent of a city being carpet bombed. But no one is really here to see them and under the appreciative applause lurks an impatient politeness. By the time they leave the stage the Astoria is packed and there is no hope whatsoever of me getting more beer without losing my vantage point. Sacrifices must be made, and I root my feet firmly to the floor.

This is why the rest of the evening is so utterly frustrating and disappointing. I know Children of Bodom are good and it's perfectly clear that there is something very special indeed going on down there..............but the sound is so shite I can barely identify what song they're playing! The keyboards are turned up way too high and consequently drown out any vestige of tune or rhythm that might have existed, while the lead guitar is simply swallowed by the blanket of noise emitting from the speakers. This continues for half an hour, leaving half of the show an incoherent mess. Even when the soundman finally wakes up it does not improve by much - although at least now I can work out what they're playing.

Visually CoB awesome - it's OBVIOUS there is magic going on onstage. Alexi Laiho is not only a spectacular guitarist, but he's also a captivating fronman - it's impossible to take your eyes off him as he dances and struts on the bonnet of a car, flicking his beautiful long blonde hair almost constantly. Meanwhile Jaske (drums) and Janne ( keyboards) add further entertainment as the engage in a drumstick slinging contest. Unfortunately however, visuals alone are not enough for a heavy metal band and especially not one of this calibre. I can see that tonight I am witnessing a truly dazzling show, it's just a shame I can't hear it also.

3/5