'ARE YOU DEAD YET?' - CHILDREN OF BODOM

Following 2003's 'Hate Crew Deathroll' Children of Bodom have not done themselves any favours. They have a lot to live up to. At the first listen it has to be said that 'Are You Dead Yet?' doesn't quite meet expectations. It is by no means a bad album, or even a mediocre one for that matter, but it does lack the energy and thrill of its predecessor. It is however a bit unfair to judge a new album solely by comparison with a band's last (and perhaps best) work.

On it's own merits 'Are You Dead Yet?' is an undeniable fine album. Alexi Laiho is a guitarist of insane ability, and has the yowling howling screech of a pissed off banshee. The rest of the band aren't exactly crap either. The combined musical skill of this band just cannott be overexaggerated.

'Living Dead Beat' and titletrack 'Are You Dead Yet' kick off the record in a typically fast paced (and surprisingly catchy!) melodic fashion, before disappearing off into a strange world of inconsistent and unpredictable rhythms ('If You Want Peace....Prepare For War'), and what can only be described of as extreme metal ballads ('Punch Me I Bleed'). After this the album finally settles into a weird sort of middleground, with tracks such as 'Bastards of Bodom' and 'We're Not Gonna Fall' containing all the ferocity and fire you'd expect from CoB but lacking the sincerity, and seeming slightly deflated. Like a good wine it improves over time, and it does help if you listen to this on a decent set of super-bass speakers, but of course this shouldn't be necessary. A damn good album yes, but a masterpiece......not really.

4/5

CHILDREN OF BODOM + One Man Army.
THE ASTORIA, LONDON.
THURSDAY 26th JANUARY, 2006.

Finally lurching into the foyer of the Llondon Astoria after more than an hour queueing in the rain, half-pissed and desperate for a visit to the men's room - not to mention panicking I won't get in at all because I accidentally tore off the ticket stub - this is one gig I am determined to see and enjoy to the fullest. Having relieved myself and re-stocked my beer supply, I race up to the balcony in near-hysterical anticipation for the infernal payload that is about to be unleashed upon our eardrums. Although the place is still only 3/4 full at the moment there is an air of nervous anxiety that could be sliced with a razor.

One Man Army do not fail to impress, proving themselves with chainsaw riffs and a sound that's reminiscent of a city being carpet bombed. But no one is really here to see them and under the appreciative applause lurks an impatient politeness. By the time they leave the stage the Astoria is packed and there is no hope whatsoever of me getting more beer without losing my vantage point. Sacrifices must be made, and I root my feet firmly to the floor.

This is why the rest of the evening is so utterly frustrating and disappointing. I know Children of Bodom are good and it's perfectly clear that there is something very special indeed going on down there..............but the sound is so shite I can barely identify what song they're playing! The keyboards are turned up way too high and consequently drown out any vestige of tune or rhythm that might have existed, while the lead guitar is simply swallowed by the blanket of noise emitting from the speakers. This continues for half an hour, leaving half of the show an incoherent mess. Even when the soundman finally wakes up it does not improve by much - although at least now I can work out what they're playing.

Visually CoB awesome - it's OBVIOUS there is magic going on onstage. Alexi Laiho is not only a spectacular guitarist, but he's also a captivating fronman - it's impossible to take your eyes off him as he dances and struts on the bonnet of a car, flicking his beautiful long blonde hair almost constantly. Meanwhile Jaske (drums) and Janne ( keyboards) add further entertainment as the engage in a drumstick slinging contest. Unfortunately however, visuals alone are not enough for a heavy metal band and especially not one of this calibre. I can see that tonight I am witnessing a truly dazzling show, it's just a shame I can't hear it also.

3/5

'CURTAIN CALL' - EMINEM

As much as I despise rap, hip-hop and all things chavvy, there is somehting about Eminem that's strangely alluring. After a struggle lasting several years my resolve has finally collapsed and armed with a WHSmith's giftcard (a Christmas present from my Grandparents) I purchases 'Curtain Call - The Hits'.

The ultimate crime has been committed and it has to be said I don't entirely regret it. Whereas most 'hood' music makes me want to rip the flesh from my face, I can listen to this album without wanting to self-harm. Instead of some big dumbfuck wearing a ridiculously oversized fur coat and raving on about bitches, Eminem's lyrics show an intelligence and (yes believe it or not) a maturity that is quite honestly poetic, and surprisingly thought-provoking - the most powerful tracks covering topics such as personal loss, broken families, drug addiction and trying to overcome life's adversities.

Lyrics aside, there is a musical depth that is often spine-tingling. Rather than acting simply as a cool beat and funky rhythm accompaniment, Eminem uses music and sound to create an atmosphere perfectly conveying the emotions of the song. His ability to do this is simply mindblowing - the best examples being 'Loses Yourself' and 'Toy Soldiers'. Not that everything here is serious and heartfelt though. There is a Beastie Boys feel to much of the album (e.g. 'Guilty Conscience and 'Fack') that is quite hilarious, not to mention the compulsory sprinkling of bling and homeys ('Shake That') to satisfy all the badass gangstas.

Whether you like Eminem or not, after listening to this album one thing from this album becomes abundantly clear - this is one exceptionally talented guy, who is capable of producing music that is powerfully evocative yet entertianing, diverse yet impressively accessible. The man is a genius and completely deserves the level of success he's achieved. Go and buy it - RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

4/5